If you are like most of us under COVID19, you may have been waiting for life to return to normal: going back to the office, visiting clients across the world, taking kids to school in the morning, shopping without masks as often as you choose to, having friends over for a meal in the dining room, going to an exercise class, attending a sports event or a conference in person, hugging friends and many more activities currently out of reach or with limitations. But, you now have been waiting for months, and for those of us who live in the United States, it looks like we will have a few more months of waiting.
Some experience their entry points into midlife as maximally disturbing, with overwhelming levels of stress and fear. They cannot believe this is happening to them: they feel incredulous. Sometimes they notice impaired judgment, confusion, and agitation [… ]. Not knowing what the midlife passage is about, most of us redouble our efforts to get back on track, resume our lives, move past the obstacle at hand, and do something -anything- to return to the predictability, control, and pleasures of normal life. Many of us resist the invitation to step away from our familiar lives because we don’t appreciate that the challenges we are facing are a call to transform. Instead we search for ways to overcome each challenge as we have in the past so we can resume traveling on a familiar track at familiar speeds. But the midlife passage will not be dismissed. We do not overcome it; it overcomes us.
Today, pre-corona virus era, I would have been on a flight to Japan to start the walk of the 88 temple pilgrimage route. Instead, I am finding myself in a different type of pilgrimage, but, very similarly in the betwixt and between, this liminal space between the old and the new. What is different here is that the entire world is in this transition, a season of waiting, a state of not knowing what is coming next. And being in the liminal space of not knowing is not easy: it brings doubt, anxiety, stress and a sense of having lost agency in one’s life. But it also can bring a sense of openness and curiosity and allows for new possibilities to emerge.
When I lead pilgrimages, after a few days of walking, I invite the participants into a practice of Embracing the Unknown. I usually start the conversation with the following Zen koan about not knowing:
Two Zen teachers meet; one is carrying his bags. “Where are you going?”, inquires the first teacher.
“I’m going on a pilgrimage”, the other teacher responds.
“What’s the purpose of pilgrimage?” asks the first teacher.
“I don’t know.” he responds.
“Not knowing is most intimate.” Replies the first teacher
What the teacher in the koan is saying is that not knowing is just right.
Marc Lesser, author of Seven Practices of a Mindful Leader- Lessons from Google and a Zen Monastery Kitchen, while commenting on this koan, writes:
“With not knowing, I am open, ready, willing to learn, to be surprised. I can see and hear others beyond my own ideas. Though my experience and knowledge are important, they can get in the way. When I let go of my own ideas, I can be present, humble. When I am humble, I am not afraid. I can enter this moment, engaged, moved, open – intimate.”
Being comfortable in the not knowing space needs practice: I am inviting you into this practice during a solo contemplative walk.
Many of us are finding ourselves suddenly faced with the prospect of spending many hours at home. In the context of our busy, modern lives the idea of confinement seems daunting, almost unnatural. In addition, because these restrictions came so fast and without warning, we are not quite prepared: we are inclined to feel restless, anxious, overwhelmed or glued to the never ending news cycle or social media feed. I've been thinking about ways I can help and I realized the best gift I can give you is a free coaching session to help you reconnect with a sense of calm and agency in your life while we are all sheltering in place.
I will be offering free online coaching sessions via Zoom for the next three weeks to whomever needs support in these trying times.
More information and to reserve your spot with this link.
Be well, Anne-Marie
PS: In addition, and in case you missed it, here is a link to my last newsletter where I shared resources about managing anxiety.
We had our first seasonal contemplative walk in the hills of Portola Valley in February. It was a gorgeous day on the land of the Puichon Ohlone: with clear skies and perfect temperatures for a walk in the woods, we were treated to a never-ending symphony of busy and loud woodpeckers, to a mating dance by young happy juncos and to a deep, warm and intimate conversation between two bullfrogs. Inspired by the ancient Japanese calendar of 72 micro (ko) seasons and 24 small (seki) seasons, a participant titled our first walk: “Milk Maids blooming with Hound's Tongues beginning to peek out”. It’s amazing what one starts seeing, hearing and sensing when in stillness and silence even for just a few hours!
Join me for a series of four seasonal contemplative walks in a beautiful landscape!
We will walk the same trails each season in an area with diverse environments including forest, chaparral, redwoods, seasonal streams and ponds: an evocative path for a journey through the four seasons. With a distance of about 7 miles and about a 1,000 feet of ascent (and descent), this walk can be arduous at times. Walking the same route each season, often completely in silence, supports self-reflection, witnessing and observation. On this walk, you will allow nature to touch you in a deep way.
In addition to walking in silence, the walk may include a guided meditation, a contemplative nature practice, the reading of poetry and sharing circles.
Be a pilgrim for a day: leave your phone behind and be ready to slow down, to fully engage your senses and to be amazed by the beauty that exists in the natural world. Come home refreshed and reconnected to yourself, others and nature, ready to fully engage your whole self to life.
These walks are open to self-identified women of all ages and backgrounds. The only requirement is that you are able to walk the distance and stay with the group. Bring a lunch, plenty of water and a notebook if you like to journal. Hiking poles are recommended for additional support on steep slopes.
Any questions, please contact me.
Dates:
CANCELED- Spring- April 4
Summer- June 13
Fall- October 3
Winter- December 5
Level of Difficulty: Moderate to Challenging
Group Size: 6 to 12
Location: Garland Ranch Regional Park, Carmel Valley, CA
Cost: sliding scale (suggested donation of $10 to $35 per walk). No one will be turned away for lack of funds. It is in the spirit of generosity that I embrace the 2500-year-old Buddhist tradition of dana and provide these events freely to all who are interested.
Cancellation: No refunds for cancellations made 7 days before the walk.
Registration: Register here for all four or any of the events.
